Smarty Pants

Today Thomas brought me a bowl of pink raspberry yogurt from the kitchen table with a spoon, and said, "peek." It took me a second to realize that he was refering to the yogurt color, and not defending himself for bringing mom's food into the living room.

At the doctor's office I received an orange sheet of paper highlighting skills 24 month olds should have acquired. After perusing the list, I began gloating. Obviously my child is the most talented one I've ever had, or that's ever existed, they are practically the same thing. Afterall, he still has months ahead of him before he needs to have completed most of this list, and yet, he can do everything on it now. Beware grandparents, I will be sending you an 18 month milestone chart you can frame and hang on your wall.

He scares Mom and Dad to death by walking down stairs without holding on.

He scribbles on the walls and furniture.

He displays defiant behavior.

He screams when I leave him with less qualified adults.

He pours Mom's cereal all over himself and onto the floor. It's for fun.

He speaks a few short sentences, such as, "I want one" and "No, mine."

The way I know he is "off the charts" is that the paper ends there, with walking up stairs, "holding on for support." Well people, let me tell you he is BEYOND these mediocre so called skills, he can climb stairs and he can JUMP. Yes, you heard me correctly, he's been jumping for almost 6 months now.

After reading the paper, especially the part about him displaying defiant behavior, I realized I should stop punishing his delinquency and begin lauding his every step in the "advanced for his age" direction.

Don't worry, I've already begun my he's-too-far-advanced-for-this-curriculum speeches to give to his teachers, beginning in kindergarten. As we know, teachers have far too much time on their hands, and my child needs a "real" challenge. Come to think of it, he's probably ready for kindergarten right now. And so begins my letter to the school district, "Dear Superintendent. . ."