My dad emailed this to us last night.
Dear John, Paige and Boys:
I hear Ralph has come to visit. It is hard to take Grandma leaving me just to be with Ralph. He is nauseating, and has loose bowels. I can't see what Grandma sees in him, and though he makes her feverish he also gives her headaches. I try to keep her away from him but I think her attraction is that when she is around Ralph she loses a few pounds. They are really very different. Ralph makes loud noises, and is the only one she entertains in the bathroom. You will hear strange splashing noises. Then she will emerge, slightly flushed, but feeling better. You might end Grandma's infatuation with Ralph if you could surreptitiously video Grandma entertaining Ralph and post it on Facebook. I would like to be rid of the little puke. There's nothing I'd like more than to hurl him into the toilet like so many chunks of undigested food. It is said Ralph runs in the genes, rather than 1/2 Marathons like Paige. Ralph smells of bile and is a nauseous, putrescent little man who is notorious for regurgitating good food and ruining one's appetite for the same food for ages. If you see Ralph, clean him up if you can. It will leave a foul taste in your mouth, but brushing, spitting and a gentle saline rinse will make him only a nasty memory. Sorry Ralph came to visit with Grandma-I'm not saying there's any correlation, and I'm not the jealous type but I've wondered whether she left just to visit him again. After all she visited him last time she left me home alone. And to think she told me she was going to visit Thomas and Spencer, when it was Ralph all along. Well, you can't win them all. Good luck with Ralph, I love you and will be thinking of you and wishing I could take Ralph's place in your lives, but I just can't stomach it.
Love Grandpa.
I hear Ralph has come to visit. It is hard to take Grandma leaving me just to be with Ralph. He is nauseating, and has loose bowels. I can't see what Grandma sees in him, and though he makes her feverish he also gives her headaches. I try to keep her away from him but I think her attraction is that when she is around Ralph she loses a few pounds. They are really very different. Ralph makes loud noises, and is the only one she entertains in the bathroom. You will hear strange splashing noises. Then she will emerge, slightly flushed, but feeling better. You might end Grandma's infatuation with Ralph if you could surreptitiously video Grandma entertaining Ralph and post it on Facebook. I would like to be rid of the little puke. There's nothing I'd like more than to hurl him into the toilet like so many chunks of undigested food. It is said Ralph runs in the genes, rather than 1/2 Marathons like Paige. Ralph smells of bile and is a nauseous, putrescent little man who is notorious for regurgitating good food and ruining one's appetite for the same food for ages. If you see Ralph, clean him up if you can. It will leave a foul taste in your mouth, but brushing, spitting and a gentle saline rinse will make him only a nasty memory. Sorry Ralph came to visit with Grandma-I'm not saying there's any correlation, and I'm not the jealous type but I've wondered whether she left just to visit him again. After all she visited him last time she left me home alone. And to think she told me she was going to visit Thomas and Spencer, when it was Ralph all along. Well, you can't win them all. Good luck with Ralph, I love you and will be thinking of you and wishing I could take Ralph's place in your lives, but I just can't stomach it.
Love Grandpa.
Comments
Fortunately I did not get sick and I did not get Hemet people sick either. It was a miracle and I am proud to admit it!
My relationship with Ralph is over. I hope I never see him again! At least not while I am a visiting grandchildren-how inappropriate!